Scott and I made it our mission to explore every inch of each ballpark we went to on our Ohio Ballpark Tour. One of our favorite stops was the team shop. Regardless if its the majors or minor leagues, you always run into items and ask yourself, “who in their right mind would buy this?” There is only one answer: only the true super fans would own these souvenirs. So, here are the top items from each of the minor league team shops we visited during our Ohio Ballpark Tour that you just have to own!
Toledo Mud Hens: Bobble Chicken
Everyone loves a good bobble head. Many fans collect the bobble head for the best and most well known players on your team. Here is the question though: you know all the players, but how about your triple-A mascots? Well, the Toledo MudHens have you covered! With the bobble chicken, you can show your affection for impractical professional mascots and your love of fried chicken poultry products. Not only will this bobble head make you the life of the party in your sports room, but you will be the only one that will be able to claim you are truly devoted to your minor league team.
Akron RubberDucks: Paint Your Own Rubber Duck
Have you ever aspired to be an artist and wondered why you haven’t used a duck as a canvas? The Akron Rubberducks have the solution for you! These paintable rubber ducks come with the most unnatural paint colors you can imagine for a duck. With the skill needed to paint a 2D image on a 3D duck, your painted rubber duck will look absolutely fantastic! The best part is that the paint should rub off the duck and can make bath time a whole lot more exciting with all the paint washed all over your skin!
Columbus Clippers: Hot Dog Hat
There is a famous expression, “you are what you eat.” As a baseball fan, have you ever wished that there was a way to show the world exactly what pig products you put in your body? Well now you can! Thanks to the Columbus Clippers, you can now wear a foam hot dog at almost any event and sport your pork pride! Wedding? Sure! Funeral? Absolutely! The Clippers want you to express to the world your love for quality pork products that are transported with vehicles that use quality petroleum products that are delivered straight to your gut. People will look at you and say, “man, there goes another one bought by the pork industry.” And with the Columbus Clippers logo on the side, everyone will know that you eat hot dogs that cost 10 cents on Monday nights.
Lake County Captains: Hulk Hands (With Cup Holder)
The Hulk is known for smashing things. The Lake County Captains, however, are not. To make up for that, the Captains have these wonderful Hulk Hands for you! They are so revolutionary that you can’t even grab onto anything! Well, there is one thing. The Hulk Hands offer a cup holder to hold your beer. Just make sure that the cup is the exact size for the Hulk Hands to ensure that your drink does not fall out and pray that you don’t spill beer all down the front of your shirt and you are ready to be a Captains super fan in no time!
Dayton Dragons: Welcome Mat
Nothing says, “Welcome to my home. We strive for success, but only if that success comes with a low set of standards,” like a welcome mat from the Dayton Dragons. While you might just let your guests walk into your house, you could let them know who the boss is and let them be greeted by a green dragon from a sports team they probably have never heard of! Or, accidentally, it could represent your guests walking all over you and your favorite single-A team and can serve as a constant reminder of how far beneath your friends you are because you own a floor mat for a single-A baseball team. You decide!
Honorable Mention: Chief Wahoo Winter Hat
This has to be mentioned. While it wasn’t specific to a minor league team, we did run into this in the Lake County Captains Team Shop (the Single-A affiliate of the Cleveland Indians). While the Indians are looking to move away from Chief Wahoo, the Captains have all of your Chief Wahoo needs covered. If you have ever said to your self, “well, Chief Wahoo is only a little racist, but I feel I could do more to show just how racist I am,” than this hat is for you! Just check out this simulated conversation:
Person 1: Hey, Chief Wahoo isn’t that bad. It may be a little bit out of date for modern times, but it really isn’t that big of a deal. That’s why I’ll get a Hat with the chief on it.
Person 2: *pulls out wallet* Hold my beer.
Nothing says “I am a little racist but am too ignorant to acknowledge it” like owning this winter hat! Not only will it keep your head warm, but your personal racial bias will be easily identified!