Alternative Facts Night: The Best Minor League Promotion of 2017, Believe Me.

Now I know what you’re thinking: “Dear god please don’t talking about politics. I’m begging you. I came here to read about baseball, not about Donald Trump, why are you doing this to me?!” Relax. This is a good story.

By now you’ve probably heard Kellyanne Conway try to salvage press secretary Sean Spicer’s inauguration crowd size comments by saying he was presenting “alternative facts.” Well, when there’s a blunder there’s a minor league promotion for that. On August 25th, the Erie SeaWolves, the Double-A affiliate for the Detroit Tigers, will host “Alternative Facts Night.”

The SeaWolves are going all out for the promotion, which I hear is absolutely fantastic by the way. They issued one of the greatest press releases of all time for the promotion:

“A fact is defined ‘as a thing that is indisputably the case.’ On Alternative Facts Night, the SeaWolves will celebrate facts that the team knows to be true – even if some media outlets may dispute them. The first 1,000 fans in attendance will receive a 2016 replica championship ring celebrating the SeaWolves’ 2016 Eastern League title. While it was a tough decision to decide which championship to honor, the team will celebrate its most recent one.

“‘Alternative Facts have become a part of popular culture in 2017,’ SeaWolves Team President Greg Coleman said. ‘We plan to inject truthful hyperbole into all aspects of the game on this night from our giveaway to the between innings fun. It’s going to be huge.’

“SeaWolves fans are tremendous fans, the best fans. No one has better fans, and a complete and total sellout is expected on this night. While the capacity of UPMC Park is 6,000, 1.2 million fans are expected to attend.

“The SeaWolves’ opponent on this night may dispute the team’s 2016 title run. Very unfair. It is up to the fans, who are tremendous fans by the way, to decide.”

The team in dispute over the SeaWolves title run are the Akron Rubber Ducks, the actual Eastern League title winners from 2016. The SeaWolves have come up with an alternative name for the Rubber Ducks; the Akron Yellow Bath Toys. In case facts do matter, the SeaWolves have used alternative facts to show the 2016 standings:

In all seriousness, the proceeds from the game are going to the Partnership for Erie’s Public Schools. The program provides grants and support to the Erie Public Schools for the arts, academics, athletics, assistance programs, and advocacy. Unfortunately, the program does not currently provide funding for grizzly bear defense. Sad.

If you’re in Erie this summer, make your way to UPMC Park for a fantastic evening of baseball that supports a great cause. Make sure you get there with plenty of extra time. With only 6,000 seats available and 1.2 million expected to attend, tickets will be going fast and parking will be at a premium. Come out for a huuuge night at the ballpark, believe me.

 

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